Where Have I Been?

You talk like I'm not here.
Every word you say reaches my ear.
Every letter that spills out spells out another tear.
Those tears which drown me in my own worst fears.

A fear of being alone,
a fear of being colder than snow,
a fear that I'll have nothing to show,
for a lifetime's work, I want to let it all go.

My heart ticks like a bomb,
exploding headaches until sanity wears off of me.
now my heart burns from all the smoke and sadness,
swallowing it all and hoping it will stay down.

I'll wash it all down with anything + alcohol.
That's pretty much all I've learned.
To bad I could not understand to much,
and now I can't compensate for lost years.

Now I'm drowning.
I'm not sure if its the gin or the fears again.
I'm to scared to let it all in.
The moment I close my eyes I am condemned.
I miss you and it's about to end.

There are no words that do you justice,
just a broken heart from being alone,
and your not even gone.
You are just not here,
and now I'm gonna drown in my own worst fears.

I'll open up,
and let it all out,
all the fears, the insanity, the heartbreaking bomb, the headaches the smoke the booze,
let it all flow out.

And through the thickest smoke I see
you.
Begging for me.
I want to run but I'm to scared to move.
And now your gonna suffocate in my own worst fears