Everyone Hates the Lawyer

I feel like a kid if I remember it correctly,
but I know I'll never be a child again.
I am no son of man because man doesn't want me,
I'm a stray dog left out of the pack.
I was no good at hunting, I was useless to them,
and now I sit cold and alone, knowing my future
rests in the hands of every decision that I make,
and I know that the wrongs outnumber the rights,
but if I could do the right thing just for once,
it would be for the purpose of proving it to all of you.
I am not a bad man, nor am I a blind man.
I am a weak man succumbed by sin.
I am not widely hated, but I want to be a lawyer,
so lets see how long this love lasts.
If I really, really could be anything when I grew up
I would want to be a child again.
I want to push buttons that make weird noises because I think it's funny,
I don't want to take everything so seriously,
If I could I'd be the same child that never shed a tear when I gashed open my leg,
or the one that fell down the stairs and was okay,
the one who smiled when everything in hell was against me,
and my only regret was missing the last Rugrats episode,
because I miss Rugrats just as much as I miss my childhood,
or good Spongebob episodes, or light-brights, or Bop It,
I miss it all but I'm expected to be more,
no, I'm expected to be less than the greatest I've ever been,
as a child, so foolish I was wise,
because I was so gullible I believed without a doubt in my mind,
but now everything I once knew has to many questions,
and no answer is available to quench my thirst for more understanding.
It forces doubt upon me and I want it all gone,
but it sits in the back of my head like every voice that mocked me,
saying it's all a lie and it was never real.
As a child I knew it was true,
but as I grew the truth seemed too true. 

Entry 2: Fear

A child has not heard so much as to know what will and what will not possibly hurt them. Up until around age 6 they seem to be fearless to everything around them because to them it looks like another toy. Example, when I was younger I used to love going on swings, and every chance I could get I would swing as high as I could, but now I think getting on one will snap it and trust me, that hurts. Yes, it has happened to me before, and I'm not sure if it's me getting older and knowing what can hurt me or just me being fat. Or both. All I know is I'm always a little hesitant to get on the swings now.

Here's a story I heard once. There was a little boy (because of my lack of knowledge of his name, I will call him Timmy) who loved the snow. He was about 5 and a half years old when it first started snowing and even though it wasn't much he went out and made snow angels. However, he waited until the biggest storm to go out and sled. Finally, a few weeks later it hit and it was exactly how he wanted it to be so he got out the sled and went to the big neighborhood hill. Now, at his age, all you want to think about is the fun aspect of whatever is happening, and all Timmy was thinking about was how fast he could go. He then went to the top of the hill and aimed down the street he would sled down.

Take in all the factors, big hill, lots of snow, fast sled, on a street which intersected with another. These are all the factors I look at before putting myself into a situation like this, but that is because I fear every possible scenario, and Timmy didn't. Timmy took a few steps back, then took a good leap and launched down the hill, and in seconds he passed the intersection and just had to drag his feet to slow down, except Timmy wanted to push it. He decided he would wait longer than usually to slow down. At the same time, a driver was backing out of his driveway furious that he had to go to work on such a cold day and that was just distracting enough to make him not even think about looking for anything, or in this case, anyone. Timmy was still going fast when he saw a giant metal figure appear before him, but dragging his feet was not gonna slow him down fast enough.

When Timmy thought he could go farther than usual he was proven wrong by the thick framing of the SUV in front of him. Timmy's last thought when going down the hill was the possibility of a car, all he thought about was his going down a powdery white alley, but cars are not powdery, they are heavy built with thick metal plating.

So back to fear, is it bad that we fear? Clearly, Timmy might have been just fine if he feared the possible outcome of his situation. Fear is what keeps us safe, it's what tells us to be cautious so we don't get hurt. Don't hate your fears, thank them. People are scared of spiders because they know that they can hurt you, or they are scared of the darkness because anything can reside there, but that is what keeps them from getting near spiders or the darkness, and that is why people like them will live longer. You're not tough because you say you're fearless, you are actually far weaker than everyone else.

However, don't let these fears control you. I hate heights but I love roller-coasters. You need to know that even though you may be scared of something, there is always a way to solve that problem. You can kill a spider, or take a flashlight. Figuratively, there is an imaginary "seatbelt" to every bad situation, rely on that seatbelt. Relying on it will help you feel more free.  

It shakes the foundations of lives
and kills many men at a time
and water sweeps through
the earth as it cracks open
but I will not hide.

As the trumpets ring out
silently the chariot will gather the souls
death on his horse will come
and we will ride with him into the heavens
and we will be best friends.

The demons will crawl out from the
depths they have buried their heads in
now that the light has been covered up
by the dust and the smoke from the lung
of man and sin as one

But we will march into the sky triumphant
we accept our key and unlock the gates of
life and love so perfect together
eternal perfect love
as we listen to the trumpets.

Entry 1: Contrast

Before I begin actually writing, I would like you to understand what this is. Basically, over the next few weeks I'm going to write ten entries, each one dealing with a certain moral or life lesson. And now I give you, entry 1.

CONTRAST

It seems as if everyone wants the money, but no one wants to do the work to get it. 

Because people say life is so hard and they never get anything out of all the good things we do.

They say everyone hates them, and that we all strive to make them miserable.

But I don't complain about the same things they do, and we both live and die the same. 

Every word underlined has an opposite meaning, an antonym if you will. Some are just relatively opposite, and some have more than one contradiction. Everyone want's the things that work out in their favor, no one wants the antonym. For example, everyone "wants" something, but no one will try to actually get it (in the example, the word "try" can be substituted for "work"). However, if we all just got what we wanted at our whim, then we wouldn't respect anything, and that is why we need to accept work, because things are much more valuable to us when you have to work for it (or if it's stolen, for those of you who catch my drift.) 

Basically, its the overstated but underrated idea that without A we don't have B. We need to learn that death is not just another part of life, but it's what makes life more desirable, because no one who is reasonable wants to die. However, there seems to be less of a problem of people complaining about death than the ones complaining about something else. Everyone wants to be loved, but we all have to face the fact that we all have haters. There is no love without hate, so why not accept what you can and ignore the rest? 

It's an all or nothing deal, if you want love you get hate, and if you just simply want something, you get work. We all need to come to a simple understanding that everything has an opposite reaction, and we need to learn to deal with that.